It may seem like a simple question, but many people don't take the time to truly reflect on what they want before entering mediation or negotiating a Separation Agreement. Yet this step is one of the most important parts of preparation. The answers you discover will help guide your decisions, your conversations, and the plans you make for the future.

Before reaching any agreements, it is worth exploring not just your first thoughts, but also the deeper reasons behind them.

These questions are essential to understanding your priorities and can help you express yourself clearly during mediation or negotiation. It also helps to connect your answers with values that matter to you. For example, if you say you care about spending time with your children, think about why that is important. You may find that connection, stability, or presence are the values behind your answer.

If you say you value your career, consider what it gives you. It might be purpose, growth, creativity, or financial security.

Understanding what matters to you can help you make thoughtful choices. Whether or not you are working with a mediator, this kind of self-reflection gives you a strong foundation for decisions that support your well-being and your future.

One of the most important questions to consider before mediation or while negotiating a separation agreement is this: What do you want to resolve?

This is not about stating your position or arguing your side. It is about identifying the topics that matter most to you and the issues that need to be addressed in order to move forward with clarity and confidence.

Think of this as outlining the questions you need answered and the plans you need to make. When you frame your goals in this way, it becomes easier to focus your discussions and work toward practical outcomes.

Taking the time to name these concerns helps you feel more prepared and organized. Whether you are working with a mediator or negotiating directly with your former partner, identifying what you want to resolve helps ensure that the most important matters are addressed and that your agreement reflects what truly matters to you.

If you have dependent children, one of the most meaningful things you can do is take time to reflect on their experience of this transition. A helpful way to begin is by imagining your child as an adult. Picture them at 25 years old, looking back on their childhood and the time their parents separated. What do you hope they remember? How would you want them to describe that part of their life?

This kind of visioning exercise is more than just reflective, it can directly inform the decisions you make today. When creating a parenting plan, you will need to focus on what is in the best interests of the child. In many jurisdictions, including British Columbia, this is a core principle in Family Law. It serves as a guide when making parenting decisions now and in the future.

By thinking carefully about these questions, you can begin to shape a parenting plan that not only meets legal standards but also reflects your values and your hopes for your child’s well-being. These reflections can be included in your parenting agreement as a personalized definition of your child’s best interests and can also help guide conversations during mediation or negotiation.

When making financial decisions during separation, it is important to go beyond the numbers. Understanding what money represents for each person can help shape agreements that are not only practical, but also meaningful. Financial choices are often connected to deeper values, needs, and concerns.

Understanding your own financial goals can help clarify what matters most to you. It might be the ability to stay in the family home to give your children stability. It might be the need to build a strong foundation for retirement. Or it might be concern about whether you will have enough each month to support your children and meet essential needs.

When both people can express the reasons behind their financial preferences, it becomes easier to find outcomes that consider everyone’s interests. Financial arrangements are not just about dividing assets or assigning numbers. They also reflect hopes, fears, and long-term goals. Taking time to reflect on these aspects can lead to agreements that feel fair and workable for both people.