Preparation is key, and drafting a Separation Agreement is no different. Certain elements are essential for creating a good plan and reaching an agreement. If a couple is working in mediation and want to resolve things but haven't come to a settlement, it’s often because they're still missing information and haven't done enough preparation.

To successfully create a Separation Agreement, you need to have information in three main areas – what you have, what you want, and what your options are:

You must understand the details of your current circumstances. This means conducting a full exchange of information relating to:

Once you finish filling in the matter details, you'll find a full listing of the information you need to gather in the Financial Document Checklist found in the navigation panel.

When your going through a separation or divorce, the law requires that each of you provide full financial disclosure of your financial circumstances and provide documentation to the other person. This requirement serves several important purposes:

You need to have all the cards on the table. Otherwise, one of you may feel uncomfortable making a decision because there will be a feeling that something's missing, or one party may feel like they can't assess a proposal because they don't have enough information about the value of what they're giving up or receiving.

People are reluctant to compromise when they don't understand what they're compromising on. It's also important to account for everything so there's no ambiguity later.

A separation, as it relates to property, is really not much more than a statement of everything you have at the end of the relationship and a plan for what you're going to do with each item. You want to include everything – even a bank account with a balance of $3. If you leave it out, it continues to be "on the table," so to speak, which means it's not divided yet.

Under the law, we value an item at the time of the division. For example, if in three years that $3 account grows to have $10,000 in it, but it wasn't part of the original agreement, there may be some confusion. You want to be able to point to your agreement and say, "No, no, no – look, we divided this account in our agreement."

Having that clarity will be very valuable to you if a question comes up at any point in the future.

The best strategies start with a vision of the future – a north star, a guide. The future vision should be a realistic goal for yourself and your family, but it's important because once you identify where you're heading, you can easily make a plan for how you get there.

This is where the Co-Parenting Vision Questionnaire and the Financial Vision Questionnaire and exercise come in handy. You can fill these in together as part of a discussion about your overall goals and intentions. Once you each complete the questionnaires, you can exchange your answers.

After you know what you and your spouse collectively and individually want in the next chapter, you're more likely be able to reverse engineer your goals to create small agreements in support of the greater goal.

Think of it as a combination lock. Each wheel on the lock is a different topic, and there are a number of choices for each of these topics:

Each decision is like a cog on a combination lock. There are thousands of different ways you can structure a legally fair agreement. It's up to you to guide the process and share what's important to you. When you do and your spouse does the same, you'll clear away 90% of the possibilities so that you can then focus on what actually will work for you and your spouse.

Your lawyer doesn't care how you structure the agreement overall, so long as it's legally fair for you. They'll be a valuable asset in understanding legal advice, but they're not going to be helpful in determining what matters to you – Those are personal decisions, not legal ones so make sure to guide the process and retain control over the direction you're going.

Understanding your options is critical. Another reason someone may not feel comfortable agreeing is if they don't know whether it's a good decision. They might wonder if it's fair or if they should come up with something different.

It's important to have to have a good understanding of your legal rights and responsibilities in order to confidently make decisions. While basic understanding of the law is helpful, seeking independent legal advice will bring clarity and certainty about your particular legal position.

A good family lawyer will give you ideas about how to structure things fairly, help you understand your options, and review your specific situation.

Understanding your options might also involve:

If you find yourself or your spouse saying that they don't know if they can do something, it's probably a good clue that they don't have enough information about what their options are. You or your spouse should consult a third party and then come back to the conversation better informed and more confident in the decision.

It's wise to think about these things at the early stages so that you come into your discussions prepared. However, if you're spinning your wheels at any point, make sure you come back to look at these three knowledge requirements and figure out whether there's something missing in your preparation:

When you have solid information in all three areas, you'll be ready to come to an agreement that works for everyone involved.